Email of the Month

 

January 2016

Just A Question

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June 2014

Doctors Recommend Not More Than A Glass Of Wine A Day.

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May 2014

PRAYER FOR GRANDPA

ATT00022

DEAR GOD, PLEASE SEND CLOTHES

 

FOR ALL THOSE POOR LADIES ON

 

GRANDPA'S COMPUTER.  AMEN.

April 2014

Get Out Of The Car!

This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida:

 

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the

 act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

GET OUT OF THE CAR!"...

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car

and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had

wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front

seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughingHe pointed to the other

end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad,

elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable!

March 2014

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his 

staff. While waiting for the coffee maker to finish its brewing, the

colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that 

his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his 

usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much 

of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A  Major chimed  

in with 75 - 25% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50 - 50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25 - 75% in favor of pleasure, depending

upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus,

the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee.   

What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC 

responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%  pleasure.” The colonel was 

surprised and, as you might guess, asked why. "Well, sir, if there was 

any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted  man.

February 2014

I thought you should know that the book,

"Understanding Women" is now out in paperback 

Untitled

 

January 2014

No Sex Since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event

hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of

extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom

approached the Sergeant Major for Conversation. “Excuse me,

Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is

something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by

nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and

said, “it look like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot

of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a

conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and

enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major stared at her in his serious

manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t

take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.” “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious.

You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!” She took

his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to

“relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she

leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t

forget much since 1955.” The Sergeant Major said, after glancing

at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now

( Gotta Love Military Time )


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Robert E Owens Sr

480 Warren Dr # 431

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Music -  What A Wonderful World

by Eva Cassidy

© Robert E Owens Sr 2012